Life As a Raisin

My vagina has an egg timer. I'm not sure how it gets set and I'm not sure the sound it makes (exactly), but I know it goes off - and not always in the good way.

If the buzzer were to indicate something positive, I think this could be a useful trick. You know, like my orgasm is ready or it’s time to put the penis in. But I think much like me, my vagina gets bored and the buzzing is really all about needing some excitement before it gets turned off.

I suppose my vagina is fickle. One minute it’s all happy and in love with being a vagina and then all of a sudden it’s angry and pissed off that it’s JUST a vagina. And then dissatisfaction sets in. And then it’s a downhill race of complaints. Like the discontent about being a little bit of an outie vagina. Or that it’s not getting enough attention or adoration or conversation. Or maybe that it hasn’t won awards. You know, public awards. OK, fine. I might as well blatantly state that my vagina is a euphemism for my entire person. It's just a lot more fun to say vagina repeatedly.

My point is really about being itchy. And no, this time I’m not talking about my vagina. It’s just that I want to explore. I want to learn. I want to find my thing, my purpose, my passion. I want to get to know more about everything I possibly can and life seems to have a nasty habit of getting in the way of that. Or at least, the practical side of my brain gets in the way. So maybe I have this awful habit of getting in my way. Shit.

I hate to admit that I might just get interested enough in things not to do anything about it. It’s like the egg timer is really set to distract me from finishing anything. Or to remind me time keeps passing by and I haven’t done anything yet. I’d like to think it’s boredom that keeps me wandering, but if I had to answer honestly, I know that’s not what it is. I just use the egg timer as a good excuse for not figuring it out.

I guess it’s time to turn my vagina on and enjoy the ticking of the clock. There are no overcooked eggs to worry about – there’s just me and my vagina on a life adventure trying to figure it out together. And you know what? It really doesn’t get better than that.