Traipsing
I wonder what it's going to feel like. That empty space where you were. The lonely hand, the too much time, both sides of the bed.
I wonder if it will hurt.
I wonder what I'll think about.
I wonder what you'll be doing.
I wonder if I can change.
I wonder if you can.
I wonder if I could ever not be afraid.
I wonder if I could take a chance.
I wonder if I could tell you what I was thinking. Really.
I wonder if I could show you.
I wonder if you'd be brave, or happy, or angry, or sad.
I wonder if you knew all the secrets, the dark ones too, if you'd still want to know.
I wonder if things were different, where would they be.
I wonder how about a lot of things. I wonder if you do, too.
I wonder why I can't feel sometimes.
I wonder why I can't remember sometimes.
I wonder how long I'll feel your hand on my back.
I wonder in the power of the pinky swear.
I wonder if I'll start a fight, just to end it.
I wonder if I love the tumultuousness of things enough to create it where it's not.
I wonder how long we can sit in silence and pretend.
I wonder how many times I'll ask myself.
I wonder how many times you'll ignore it.
I wonder where we are going.
I wonder if you wonder that too.