get your hands off me
I've recently been violated by The Man and he didn't buy me dinner, spoke only of himself and never called the next day. I'm finding that, with a certainty, I don't want to be pushed around, held down, or wrestled with and I have no ambition or desire to see the glass ceiling much more, break through it. In fact, if anything, I've uncovered a desire to BECOME The Man and start my own business where I'm in charge, I have final say, and I can decide whose potential to ignore. That's right, instead of grappling with the powers over me, I've decided to let my frustration propel me to a position where I can boss someone ELSE around and exert my influence and power over well, over everything, cuz man, I'm The Man.
It was a startling realization, really. I came back to the life I had known not 4 months ago - a life of back-to-back meetings, fast paced walking around the office, convivial smiles in between anxious exchanges, and urgent hellos. And instead of feeling the exhilaration that once fueled me, I found I was exhausted at the prospect of another session intended to convince someone or cajole someone or drive an idea or concept like Sisyphus up the hill.....
I was beat down with indifference and ultimately, betrayed by my own idealism – hoping, wishing, and silently demanding I get recognized for being worthy of something, having some contribution to make, or having some potential to tap into. And now I’m saying fuck it, in a monument to resignation that will thrust me into a whole new plane of speculation, something new, something that, God and my big-fat-analytical-head willing, will inspire and drive me into a whole new diatribe.