A What?
Once again I've been remiss in my posting. Really, I'm trying not to start every entry that way…
But that's not the topic of the day. Today’s topic is pregnancy. In fact, to be honest, this might be the topic for the next 6 months. I have to say though, this was almost beat out by a story I wanted to tell recounting Dan’s interpretation of Lord of the Flies. There’s almost nothing I could tell more interesting than watching the father of my child stalk around the living room in pursuit of death. In a ghastly display of nature versus man, a swarm of flies invaded our house. Dan, being the strong patriarch he is, would not sit for such a thing – even if football was on TV. He rolled up a newspaper and got to the killing. In short order, one of the greatest battles ever fought in our house had come to an end. Amid the carnage and destruction stood Dan, sweating over the dead carcasses of his fallen foes….
But like I said, I’m not going to talk about that. Let’s talk about pregnancy instead. So as many of my loyal readers (of 5) know, I’m pregnant. I know! It’s crazy and mostly unbelievable. My boobs have grown 4 sizes in three weeks and I’m still having a hard time believing it’s real. I’m exiting my first trimester and am firmly into my 14th week. Apparently, I should be celebrating the resurgence of energy and a cessation to the morning sickness that’s plagued me for 6 weeks now.
Let’s talk about morning sickness for a second. First, it might be the biggest lie perpetrated against women, ever. It’s either that the notion that Adam came before Eve. I mean, please. But to the point, morning sickness isn’t contained to the morning. In fact, ALL DAY LONG seems to be fair game for this disease. I understand that some women simply feel nauseous. I happened to be one of the fortunate few who actually vomited, violently, 3-4 times a day. Two weeks ago I found myself weeping in front of the can after losing a not so inexpensive dinner blubbering, “I-I-I don’t think I can do this any more… I’m not good at this at all.” It was a bonding moment between me and the toilet and our relationship is much stronger now because of it.
I’m not sure what the point of this God-sanctioned bulimia is supposed to provide. Is God’s plan to get me closer to the Supermodel experience? I would have been happier being 6’1 and 120 pounds, thanks. Patience, perhaps? Or just the general idea that lots of sickness will be in my future, so I might as well get used to it…
Regardless, and in a great display of irony, I’m still gaining weight like a freight train. OK, I realize I’m having a baby and that’s part of the process. I do. But right now, according the books my baby is the size of a jumbo shrimp. I happen to be the size of a whale. Proportionately, it seems a bit more than necessary.
Anyway, I suppose I should be happy that my schedule if moving from everyday sickness to every other day sickness. Of course, I’m starting to get headaches now too. I wonder when the “joy” of this joyful experience kicks in?